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Me The Geek » Blog Archive » Chuck Norris Java facts
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08 May

Chuck Norris Java facts


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The following is one of the funniest things I ever got by e-mail. After a Google search, I found it is all over the Web already. So it is not news, but just my echo of an accurate, helpful factual list.

It is recommended you read forward only if you ever at least attempted to program in Java.

  • Chuck Norris serializes objects straight into human skulls.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t deploy web applications, he roundhouse kicks them into the server.
  • Chuck Norris always uses his own design patterns, and his favorite is the Roundhouse Kick.
  • Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.
  • Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your web app will turn into a swing application, and a very bad swing application containing lots of icons of human skulls.
  • Chuck Norris demonstrated the meaning of Float.POSITIVE_INFINITY by counting to it, twice.
  • A synchronize doesn’t protect against Chuck Norris, if he wants the object, he takes it.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use javac, he codes java by using a binary editor on the class files.
  • Chuck Norris’ java code never needs to be optimized. His code is so fast that it broke the speed of light during a test run in Sun’s labs killing 37 people.
  • When someone attempts to use one of Chuck Norris’ deprecated methods, they automatically get a roundhouse kick to the face at compile time.
  • The java.lang package originally contained a ChuckNorris class, but it punched its way out the package during a design review and roundhouse kicked Bill Joy in the face.
  • Chuck Norris never has a bug in his code, EVER!
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t write code. He stares at a computer screen until he gets the progam he wants.
  • Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
  • Chuck Norris’ binary edited classes ignore Java bytecode verifier.
  • Chuck Norris methods doesn’t catch exceptions becuase no one has the guts to throw any at them.
  • Chuck Norris will cast a value to any type just by staring at it.
  • If you get a ChuckNorrisException you’ll probably die.
  • Chuck Norris is the only one who can use goto and const in Java.
  • Chuck Norris can compile Java code in .NET Framework, obviously just by staring at it.
  • Chuck dont need to catch an Exception because Java is afraid of the “flying tornado kick” at the moment it throws
  • Chuck Norris’s code can roundhouse kick all other Java Objects’ privates
  • Java visibility levels are public, default, protected, private and “protected by Chuck Norris”, don’t try to access a field with this last modifier!!
  • Chuck Norris eats JavaBeans and Roundhouse Kicks JavaServer Faces!
  • Chuck Norris can divide by 0!
  • Garbage collector only runs on Chuck Norris code to collect the bodies.
  • Chuck Norris code uses agressive heap natively
  • Every single line code of Chuck Norris runs in real time. Even in a multi threading application.
  • When a CPU load a Chuck Norris class file, it doubles the speed.
  • Chuck Norris can execute 64bit lenght instructions in a 32bit CPU.
  • Chuck Norris implements “Indestructible”. All the other creatures implements “Killable”.
  • Chuck Norris only program Java web applications to get a .WAR in the end.
  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a Java class very hard. The result is known as a inner class.
  • Chuck Norris can do multiple inheritance in Java.
  • JVM never throws exceptions to Chuck Norris, not anymore. 753 killed Sun engineers is enough.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need unit tests because his code always work. ALWAYS.
  • Chuck Norris extends God.
  • Chuck Norris workstation has so memory and it’s so powerful that he could run all java applications in the world and get 2% of resources usage.
  • Chuck Norris codes generics since 1.3.
  • Chuck Norris’ classes can’t be decompiled… don’t bother trying.
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11 Responses to “Chuck Norris Java facts”

  1. 1
    cooper Says:

    GENIUS!

  2. 2
    Luigi R. Viggiano Says:

    Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.

  3. 3
    optimiced | bg » Chuck Norris и Java Says:

    […] (via: http://www.methegeek.com/?p=60) […]

  4. 4
    Java and Chuck Norris « The Ready Room Says:

    […] Thanks to methegeek.com. […]

  5. 5
    Daniel Says:

    Excellent!! =))

  6. 6
    rouli Says:

    Chuck Norris extends God…. ähm wrong.. God extends Chuck Norris O.o

  7. 7
    conradov Says:

    LOL! Excellent additions! Keep ‘em coming please!

  8. 8
    unknown Says:

    Chuck Norris can unimplement an interface.

  9. 9
    Nuno Santos Says:

    A fatal exception is the natural state of any exception that didn’t asked for Chuck Norris permission to be thrown.

  10. 10
    Java and Chuck Norris :: Roundkicks that only Chuck can do | Radu Cotescu's blog Says:

    […] to methegeek.com. Bookmark to: Python programmers, unite! […]

  11. 11
    Kocadam Says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need a classpath. He can access any class in the world without it.

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